Last night, an elite group of wild turkey enthusiasts gathered in the poker room to finalize a Thanksgiving special edition of Nick’s Tiers, which ranks NFL teams with a holiday twist. Here’s a breakdown of the rankings:
The Yams – Chicago Bears
The Bears are at the bottom of the list, akin to yams. Though they have some bright moments, they lack staying power and can’t carry a full meal.
Casserole – Teams with High Expectations but Underwhelming Results
These teams come with a lot of hype but fail to live up to it, just like a casserole that doesn’t meet the standard.
Mashed Potatoes – Steady but Unspectacular Teams
These teams are solid and reliable, but not Super Bowl contenders. They show up, and while they won’t be the stars of the season, they’re always part of the mix.
Fancy Cranberry Sauce – Overhyped but Disappointing
Like the cranberry sauce that everyone claims to love but rarely delivers, these teams look good on paper but ultimately leave fans feeling let down.
Canned Cranberry Sauce – Old School but Effective
Canned cranberry sauce represents teams that are traditional, tough, and maybe not flashy, but they get the job done, much like old-school coaching and defense.
Pumpkin vs. Sweet Potato Pie – Rivals With Similar Histories
Teams like Buffalo and the Chiefs are compared to pumpkin pie vs. sweet potato pie. They’re rivals with similar histories: making the playoffs but never truly breaking through to win the big one.
Mac and Cheese – High Floor, Low Ceiling
Mac and cheese is always a part of the Thanksgiving meal, just like these teams. They won’t disappoint, but they won’t win the Super Bowl either.
Ham – Consistent and Underrated
Ham shows up year after year, always delivering. Even when people doubt it, they end up enjoying it more than expected.
Stuffing/Dressing – The Team With the Highest Upside
The best part of Thanksgiving for some, stuffing or dressing represents teams with the highest potential, but also a risk of failure if not executed properly.
Gravy – The Most Valuable, But Not the Star
Gravy might not be the star of the show, but it elevates everything else. These teams are like gravy: they may not get all the praise, but their role is critical to the success of the whole operation.
Turkey – The Undisputed GOAT
Finally, turkey, always the centerpiece, represents the best of the best. No matter how many complaints about dryness or sleepiness, turkey holds it all together, just like the top team that anchors the NFL rankings.
Nick’s Breakdown of the Top Teams:
Kansas City Chiefs: Turkey
Despite criticism, Kansas City remains the cornerstone of the league, just like turkey is the foundation of Thanksgiving.
Buffalo Bills: Gravy
The Bills are a great supporting team, enhancing the league with their overall value, though not necessarily the best at everything.
Detroit Lions: Stuffing
The Lions have massive potential. They’re the most exciting team this season, with the highest upside, though their performance could still falter depending on how they’re handled.
As the committee debated Thanksgiving food rankings, they ended up overruled, but the tiering structure remained a hit. Each team’s place on the list reflects its role in the NFL—some are foundational, while others are more supporting but still essential. Thanksgiving is a time for family, food, and ranking teams with just as much passion as football itself.
