Lilly Jay, the ex-wife of SpongeBob SquarePants actor Ethan Slater, has opened up about the emotional aftermath of their divorce and how she’s navigating life as a co-parent. In a heartfelt personal essay published on The Cut on December 19th, Jay reflected on the shock and mourning she’s experienced following her split from Ethan and his subsequent relationship with Ariana Grande.

In the essay, Lilly wrote candidly about her struggles, describing the difficulty of accepting the “sudden public downfall” of her marriage, noting, “I work diligently on my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage. This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide.”

Lilly and Ethan began dating in high school in 2012, tying the knot in 2018. The couple welcomed their first child, a son, in 2022. However, their marriage faced challenges after Ethan moved to the UK in the summer of 2023 to film Wicked. It was during this time that Ethan filed for divorce and began dating his co-star Ariana Grande, who was also separated from her husband, Dalton Gomez. This series of events left Lilly reeling, especially as she had moved to support Ethan’s career while caring for their newborn.

Reflecting on this turbulent time, Lilly shared, “I confidently moved to another country with my two-month-old baby and my husband to support his career. I never thought I would get divorced, especially not just after giving birth to my first child, and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity.”

Despite the emotional and public turmoil, Lilly emphasized that her relationship with Ethan remains grounded in their shared responsibility as parents. “While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not,” she wrote. “Both of us fiercely love our son 100% of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided.”

While Lilly and Ethan have since reached a divorce settlement, Lilly admitted she continues to grapple with the public nature of the split, particularly given the timing of Wicked‘s release. “Days with my son are sunny days,” she explained. “When I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life, those are darker.”

Lilly’s essay is not the first time she has spoken out about her divorce. Earlier in July 2023, she told Page Six, “Ariana’s the story, really—not a girl’s girl. My family is just collateral.”

As Lilly Jay continues to process her emotions and focus on her role as a mother, her reflections offer a raw and honest look at the complexities of navigating a public breakup while remaining committed to co-parenting and healing.